Welcome to Holland By Emily Perl Kingsley

I have read this many times. It's one of my favorite analogies.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip-to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?!" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would have never met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around....and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills...and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandt's.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy.. and they're bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never,ever,ever,ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very lovely things...about Holland.

What a journey this has been and continues to be. Because of Noah we have met so many wonderful people. Everybody has played a significant role in our lives. His speech therapists, occupational therapists, teachers and the list goes on. Holland is truly a magnificent place!! Thank you Lord for reminding me of all the beauty in our lives. When days aren't so easy I will close my eyes and thank you for the tulips!!

Changes Ahead

I have to admit I am not one who welcomes change whole hearted. I get used to my routines and really don't like stepping out of my comfort zone. We feel like God is working in our family and leading us in a different direction. I have to admit I have had a hard time taking my blinders off and being open to accepting these changes. We are looking for a new church. We are not upset with where we are now. It is a bit of a drive and we are not able to be as involved as we would like. We have friends there and we love our pastor. I think it's important for our kids to have friends that are in their school and at church. We are looking here in Woodstock and pray that we can find a fit for all of us. I teach Emma and Noah's Sunday school and love watching them discover the love of God. It is important for Abbie as well to have a strong youth group and a good group of friends as she enters into the adolescent years. I look forward to watching all of this happen. I pray as we look for a new church home that we will be where God wants us to be. One of my favorite verses comes to mind, " I am the world's Light. No one who follows me stumbles around in the darkness. I provide plenty of light to live in." John 8:12 The Message. I know God is our Light and we will continue to be led where God want us to be!

Where can I find the owners manual?

Where can I find the owners manual for a 12 year old? It amazes me how little I know!! She obviously knows it all!! How life has changed since I was 12. Expectations are greater these days I admit. I was enjoying life and still playing with Barbies when I was 12. School expectations are greater as well. I can't believe what kids are expected to know at this age. Abbie is learning stuff in 7th grade that I didn't learn until I was in high school. I wish she could just enjoy being 12. I remind her often to enjoy being 12 because she will never be 12 again. I again don't know what I'm talking about because she has this look on her face that says "what are you talking about?". I truly believe that this is way more challenging than when she was a baby. I miss the voluntary cuddles and hugs. I know that there is a lot going on in her mind and body. She is just trying to figure things out. I have become very good at counting to 10 and deep breathing. I also enjoy taking time outs. Unfortunately tweens don't come with owners manuals just like babies don't either. I will continue to take one day at a time and pray for wisdom! Oh, and by the way she has decided to spell her name Abby not Abbie!! Pick your battles!! Does it really matter? I love her no matter how she chooses to spell her name!! I do love her!! Just think how much I'll know when the other two are 12!! I hope!!!

I Wouldn't Change A Thing!!!

These last seven days have been a little stressful to say the least. I have been sad, anxious, mad, and thankful many times this week. Noah was diagnosed seven days ago with Aspergers Syndrome. James and I have known for a while that there has been something different about Noah, other that ADD. It was hard to hear and see honestly! I have had a flood of thoughts and feelings go through my head this week. What do we do now, what will he need when he grows up, what does he need now, what books should I read, who should I tell and what are they going to say, are just a few. I have also prayed a lot this week and have truly felt the peace of God. I am reminded that James and I talked before we had kids about one day adopting a special needs child. It was something we both felt that God was calling us to do. I now know God was preparing us to have a special needs child of our own. Will we still adopt one day? I know God will lead us and we will know what is right for our family. God also reminded me that nothing has changed. Noah is still my precious, kind hearted, smart, little boy I've always known and loved. My heart still jumps when he asks for a hug (maybe just a little higher) and I love to hear him say I love you mommy! Noah is still Noah!! Would I want him to not have Aspergers? No parent likes to know that there are struggles and obstacles ahead, more so than normal, for their child. Aspergers is a part of what makes Noah, Noah! So to imagine Noah without Aspergers would mean that he would have to change. I love my Noah just the way he is! I can honestly say I wouldn't change a thing! I prayed for Noah a long time ago. God has chosen us special to be Noah's family. What an amazing gift!!!